you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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