thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
