booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He shit in the fireplace
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
