easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
