i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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