Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
