I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I have aggressive nipples.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
