..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
