I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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