Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
how drunk are you?
Several
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
