Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
