Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
