His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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