there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
