lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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