I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
