i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
