he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
