I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
