Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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