We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
