There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
