That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
