my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
