I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Shame - the story of my life.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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