tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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