Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize