i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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