Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
