You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize