You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
