My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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