You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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