they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You pole danced in your parka.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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