Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
This house was built for laser tag.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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