I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
