____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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