Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
