from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
