Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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