He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
