is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
