Please, let me fuck your mom
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
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