My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I could fuck to npr.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
