they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
