i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
