Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
