I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
