Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
