Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We left the knife in your bed.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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