drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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