but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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