It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You smell like stripper and shame
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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