i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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