Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm really busy with my period
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