So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
