I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
