okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
