currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I think I sprained my soul last night
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
