I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
