Screwed.edu
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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