there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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