pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
