I didn't shave. On purpose
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
