party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
