3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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